For the last few months I have been bouncing around the council system, once again having to prove my state of health. If you've read my blog before, you'll know that I feel this constant proving of sickness overshadows one's ability to get better. I have understandably been heavily affected by this stress, but this time I have been taken aback by my ability to deal with it.
Despite the very low days and fair-weather confidence, I have managed to get things done; to make appointments, fill out forms, seek the help I need and make healthy decisions. Since the end of last year I have been itching to make a leap into 'wellness' and leaving my home of five years may just be the catalyst I need.
I had the option of pushing for supported housing, but I felt that this would only keep me dependant on help and nurture my fear of 'getting well'. Going straight from here into a strange place with people I don't know, far from my friends may well super-size my agoraphobic tendencies. Fortunately, I have a support network of understanding and caring friends that have offered me places to stay while I find new dwellings and I have decided to take them up on their offer.
Being in this house, I am looking at my future from a tired perspective. The times in my life when I have been at my most confident and adventurous were when I had no fixed abode. I am mindful that leaving this house will be a shock to my system, so staying with fiends will ensure I am looked after if the worst happens; subsequently making it less likely to. Most importantly, being displaced will shift my perspective so that I am able to make more adventurous, excitement-led decisions, instead of the reclusive, fear-led decisions I have been making in recent years.
Facing a house to clear and pack, one of the magnificent Mcgonigal twins has just the message I need. If I take heed, leaving this house will not lead to the demise I have feared, but instead be the kick-start I need to reclaim some of the me that I lost.
*Agencies are despicably evil.